Survivor: Dark Angel
by Brin
Summary: In what is quite possibly the most unoriginal plot of the day, our favorite and perhaps not so favorite characters are stranded on an island for 30 days. This is their story.
1. Episode 1: Max

Disclaimer: I don't any of the characters in this story that appear in the hit syndicated TV show, Dark Angel, which are owned by James Cameron.

Summary: The Dark Angel characters are stranded on a desert island! (Very original, I know)

A/N: Ah, the madness… I'm so friggin tired of the M/L Cape Haven challenge responses!!!!!! WHY OH WHY OH WHY?! Have you even been to the site? It has a totally biased, propaganda-filled profile of Alec! It's atrocious! If you're experiencing mental problems from all the M/L fics, please visit Nuns With Pens, sign up, and read Scarlet's "response" to the challenge. Heheh :-D

Link to NWP: http://nunswithpens.hyperboards.com/

Credit: I got this idea from _Survival of the Elves_ by Im a Brandybuck. Several themes come from this, and I highly suggest you read it since it's ten times better than I could ever manage, but I will _not_ carbon copy such an awesome story.

Survival of the DA Characters 

By

Brin

"Randomness is bliss." – _Survival of the Elves,_ Im A Brandybuck

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Introduction by cheesy man in even cheesier suit resembling Logan:

Hello everyone, and welcomed to _Survival of the DA Characters_, a horrifying tale of seven characters from the _same_ TV show picked to be stranded on a deserted island for thirty days. How will they survive? Will romance blossom in the blistering sun? Will they be able to refrain from killing each other? _Will_ Logan ever go away? Let's find out, with _Survival of the DA Characters_ – 

**Episode 1: Max's Diary**

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****

**DAY ONE**

Hm. It doesn't seem so bad here. I mean, I've never actually seen sand that wasn't gray, so I guess I can forgive the fact that it's halfway up my ass at the moment. As soon as Alec got here he started looking for firewood. Zack designated himself as the leader and wandered off. I know he's somewhere around here, probably on the top of a cliff trying to look really melancholy and rugged and thoughtful. Joshua is sitting under a tree trying to figure out why it's so hot. Mole is digging a hole. He says it'll be good shelter if there's a storm. Logan… well Logan is sitting in a coconut tree throwing rocks at us if we come too close. I have a suspicion Joshua has been eating sand. Normal has been setting up a shrine to Alec consisting of several different-colored mug shots. I decided to go tan.

****

**DAY FOUR**

I guess being an X5 doesn't exempt you from sunburns. Since I've had nothing better to do for the past few days, I've been working on my tan. Now my skin is all red and blistery. I swear if I jumped into the water steam would come off my skin. Mole's hole is getting pretty deep. We had to get him out using a really long stick, though it was sort of hard to get because Logan nailed Alec in the eye when he tried to grab it. Joshua is still under that tree, but now he's drawing things in the sand with a stick and crying when it gets washed away by the waves. I was right about Zack finding a cliff and trying to look all ruggedly handsome and stuff, by the way. He's still there. Normal continues to worship Alec. Last night I could've sworn I heard someone chanting in some made-up language. I bet it was him, and Alec's pretty freaked about it. I'm kind of freaked out myself, though… I think I heard someone making sounds at me last night after Normal's chanting ceased. It sounded sort of like a sheep. "Baaaa."

****

**DAY TWELVE**

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I woke up this morning and Joshua had buried me in the sand overnight like I'm a bone. Now I not only have sand in my mouth, ass, and unmentionable places, but also in my hair! Sleeping was not a good idea. It took me three hours to get out of the sand, and I had to accept help from Logan since he had hit Alec in the head with a coconut when I asked him for help instead of Logan, knocking him unconscious. Anyway, (after covering his arms and legs in bleach-soaked plastic that he had had stuffed in his pants – don't ask – to prevent getting the virus on himself) Logan tripped over my head like three times while he was digging me out, and when I was halfway uncovered he decided it was a good time to start talking about 'our relationship.' Damn, hasn't he ever heard of cruel and unusual punishment? If I have to hear him sniff and sob about how we should've worked out, I'll kill him. Alec called him a human condom behind his back. We all laughed, then Logan climbed back up into the tree and threw rocks at us again until we apologized.

****

**DAY EIGHTEEN**

I caught Normal performing a ritual over Alec last night. I woke up and he was sitting on Alec's chest dressed in one of those grass skirts – coconut bra and all. Alec was tied up with some home-made rope, which I guess Normal has been making when he isn't staring at Alec like an X5 in heat. I had to punch the guy several times to get him off. We tied him to a tree, but he refused to take off the skirt, which leaves nothing to imagination if you know what I mean. So we left him there. Joshua talks to him sometimes. I have a suspicion that they're in on something. When he's not talking to Normal, Joshua scampers around like a puppy in the waves. He says the water tastes bad. Logan told him to drink a lot of it – it was good for him. I think Mole's got a thing for Logan. When he comes out of that goddamn hole of his, he hits on him. I swear he does. I think they make a cute couple.

****

**DAY TWENTY-TWO**

I'm officially crazy. Logan made his own grass skirt with the coconut bra _and_ a flowery lei that he made himself (he made special emphasis on the fact that _he_ was the one who made it). He then decided that to survive eight more days we would have to learn to be faithful in something… so he invented Choobi. Choobi the coconut with a face carved into it. He said Choobi is our protector. What an idiot. Joshua fell into Mole's hole and it took us several hours to get them both out. After that, Joshua untied Normal and they haven't been seen since. Alec thinks they eloped. Zack, who has been relatively inactive for the past several days, turned up sitting on top of a mountain meditating on a dead tree. Go figure. Alec got into an argument with him and they nearly strangled each other. Alec threatened to call ATT and cut off all Zack's phone numbers. I don't think he'd do it.

****

**DAY TWENTY-EIGHT**

Only two more days. Hell yeah! We're in much lighter spirits, never mind the fact that I look like a dead lobster and my legs haven't been shaved since before we left and they now resemble Logan's. Zack fell off his dead tree and broke his elbow, so now he decrees that we must all wait on him hand and foot. Of course, he can't think of anything he wants so he tells Alec to go find Normal and Joshua. Alec came back a few hours later saying that they had developed their own two-person cult dedicated to Alec. Zack wasn't happy about someone else having their own cult, so now he has his own cult… dedicated to me. Logan is the first member. I think they're going to jump me at night and tie me to a totem pole. Don't think they won't do it. Someone stole Choobi the coconut. I heard Logan crying in his sleep, wanting it back. I bet it was Normal.

****

**DAY THIRTY**

YES! WE'RE LEAVING! It's the best day in my miserable life! Before the boat came to pick us up, Alec met this nice guy who had a pet volleyball named Wilson. Chaos erupted when Zack decided to work on his volley and ended up hitting the ball into the ocean to be swept away forever. The guy ran away crying. Joshua and Normal turned up, the _both_ if then wearing grass skirts and coconut bras. They have 'Alec' written across their foreheads with ashes. Alec is a bit apprehensive of getting on the boat with them. Mole got stuck in his hole, and was wailing and screaming for Logan, (his one true love), to come and save him. Logan did, and ended up falling into it himself. We wanted to leave them there, but the cheesy announcer guy in the even cheesier suit who resembles Logan said it was against the rules and we pulled them out. Anyway, IT'S OVER. I'm going now. BYE.


	2. Episode 2: Alec

Disclaimer: I don't any of the characters in this story that appear in the hit syndicated TV show, Dark Angel, which are owned by James Cameron.

Summary: The Dark Angel characters are stranded on a desert island! (Very original, I know)

Credit: I got this idea from _Survival of the Elves_ by Im a Brandybuck. Several themes come from this, and I highly suggest you read it since it's ten times better than I could ever manage, but I will _not_ carbon copy such an awesome story.

Survival of the DA Characters 

By

Brin

"The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad." - _Salvador Dali (1904-1989)_

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Introduction by cheesy man in even cheesier suit resembling Logan:

Hello everyone, and welcomed to _Survival of the DA Characters_, a horrifying tale of seven characters from the _same_ TV show picked to be stranded on a deserted island for thirty days. How will they survive? Will romance blossom in the blistering sun? Will they be able to refrain from killing each other? _Will_ Logan ever go away? Let's find out, with _Survival of the DA Characters_ – 

**Episode 2: Alec's Diary**

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**DAY** **ONE**

I wonder, if it gets hot enough, will Max take off her shirt? Damn. Even worse… will Normal take off his? Bad mental image. Bad Alec, bad. Deep breaths. In and out. There you go. I'll go looking for firewood.

**DAY** **TWO**

Something's wrong with these people! Normal's set up… a shrine? To me? Ick. I hope he knows I can see him standing behind that tree staring at me. Stupid Zack. I can see him too. He's on top of a cliff trying to look ruggedly handsome, or so Logan says. Speaking of Logan, he's been up in that coconut tree since we got here. Ha, maybe learning to live like a monkey will loosen him up a bit. I see the resemblance between him and a chimp. Ha, ha!

**DAY** **FIVE**

Mole's got it bad for Logan. Ha, ha! I tripped in his hole the other day and he nearly ripped my head off, all the time shooting quirky glances at the chimp… er, Logan. That damned Logan! Hit me in the eye with a coconut when I was trying to save his manly friend! Now I've got a shiner… but it's not as bad as Max's sunburn! Ha, ha! By the way, the other night I heard strange sounds while I was sleeping. Max tells me it was Normal in a hula skirt. Bad images! Speaking of images, Logan told Joshua that if he could draw a sixty-by-eighty-foot portrait of the Seattle cityscape, he'd give him a biscuit. Poor, mislead Josh. He's been practicing his farm animal sounds. I think Max's freaked out.

**DAY** **TWELVE**

HA! LOGAN LOOKS LIKE A LIVING, BREATHING CONDOM! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

**DAY** **THIRTEEN**

Ahem, if you'll excuse my previous entry, but… IT WAS JUST SO FUNNY!

**DAY** **FOURTEEN**

I'm fine now. I promise… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! JOSHUA CALLED HIM A MY-SIZE CONDOM! AHAHAHAHAHA!

**DAY** **NINETEEN**

Was nearly raped by Normal last night. Very shook up. Joshua delusional after drinking too much seawater. Logan deranged maniac.

**DAY** **TWENTY-THREE**

Oh gee. Is there a club now or something? Now Logan (HUMAN CONDOM! HAHAHAHA!) has made himself his own grass skirt and lei. He keeps telling Max how great it is that _he_ made his own lei, and I don't even have one. I threw a coconut at him when Max's back was turned, and he attacked me. Several scratches on arm. Logan fights like girl. Later, Logan made up… Choobi, the Guardian Coconut. He carved Choobi's face with his fingernails. (Note to self: Call Logan a girly-man.) Josh was frolicking across the sand, totally disillusioned and imagining he was in a field of wildflowers, and fell into Mole's massive hole. Mole called Joshua an idiot mongrel and Normal and Josh ran away into the forest, Joshua screaming all the while, "YOU'LL NEVER CATCH BUMPER THE RABBIT!" Yep, it's all great fun here. Oh yeah, I poked Zack while he was meditated on a dead tree, and the guy flipped out. I told him I could cancel all his phone lines and he chickened out. Max doesn't think I'd do it. (Note to self: Call Zack "Zackie-poo" to his face.)

**DAY** **TWENTY-SEVEN**

Ah, yes. Zackie-poo broke his elbow and said Choobi did it on purpose to test our devotion to him. What a freak. So now we have to go catch the exact type of fish Zackie-poo wants. This sucks!

**DAY** **TWENTY-EIGHT**

Ran into Josh and Normal out in the forest whilst avoiding Zackie-poo. Very creeped out. They've molded a life-size model of me out of chewed tree sap. Found out where my other pair of boxer briefs went. The life-size model is gratuitous in the unmentionables department. I'm disturbed. (Note to self: NEVER get name stitched onto boxer briefs again). Zackie-poo whined about not having his own cult, so he made one all about Max. It's called "Maxaholics." Logan is vice president, only because he couldn't kick Zack's ass. I stole Choobi while they were arguing and used him as a soccer ball. Logan crying. (Note to self: Pass out flyers back home about Logan crying.)

**DAY** **THIRTY**

Met strange man with pet volleyball. He said he'd been stranded here for years. Hm. How resilient of him. When I told him we were going to get rescued shortly, he said he was going to get his stuff and be right back. Zack launched his volleyball into the ocean, though, and he ran away crying. Hm. (Note to self: Invest in volley balls.) Saw Josh in a grass skirt. Not pretty. Normal commented on how "hot" my stubble is. I think that's my name they have written on their foreheads, but I'm not sure. Hm. Mole's hole got too deep. Ha, ha! He was screaming about his one true love (Mr. Girly Man) should come save him. I convinced Logan to try and get him out, then pushed him in. Ha, ha! It was great fun until the cheesy announcer guy said we couldn't leave them there. Damn. While we were going to the chopper, the wind blew up Joshua and Normal's skirts. (Note to self: Poke out eyeballs when home.)

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A/N: Not that funny. I didn't have much to work with on the Alec front, but the other ones will give you a glimpse into the unexplained. MWAHAHAHAHA!


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